Gone but not forgotten
by Trulyembarassed
Summary: Jacob never fought off Sam's orders in Breaking Dawn. He never realized he was true Alpha and the Pack went through with there attack on the Cullens. These are the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

_There was too much blood. All over what used to be an empty field there were bodies littered around and fires burning. Bella stood in the center, laying flat on her back with her stomach torn open. Jacob wanted to run to her, to howl into the night and never leave her side again. But Leah was under attack and instinct took over. The taste of blood was dominate in his mouth, drowning out the fear and smoke. Jacob choked down a sob, as he tore through another piece of cold marble skin..._

"BELLA!" Jacob yelled, arms reached out and grasping for air. His sweat covered chest pumped up and down rapidly, adrenaline making his muscles twitch. He took note of the dark room around him and the sheets tangled between his legs with a sigh.

It was the dream again. The same one that never left his head. The same one that replayed every night for two months since Sam had forced the attack on the Cullen's to kill Bella and the rest of the Cullen's over Bella's unborn baby. Jacob ran a hand through his hair, before launching himself off the couch and grabbing a cold glass of water.

He needed to run. His wolf was twitching underneath his skin, begging to get out and feel the ground underneath his paws.

He glanced up at the time and quickly dispatched the idea. 3:00am meant it was the center of Sam's patrol, and if there was anything he wanted to avoid, it was Sam, wolf-form or otherwise.

Jacob drowned his glass of water and headed for the shower. If he couldn't go into his wolf form, he'd have to settle for steady spray of a hot shower to take his mind away.

-A few hours later-

Jacob emerged from his personal auto-shop in the back yard and re-entered his house right at noon.

Shortly after his shower, he had gone out to work on his bike. He'd ignored the call for breakfast, but he was getting pretty hungry, and decided he couldn't risk missing lunch to wait for dinner.

However he immediately regretted the choice, because his dad, Billy, was sitting there at the back porch, waiting for him.

Jacob froze in his tracks, debating if he should just turn around and wait for dinner or if he should risk going into the house while it was occupied.

"Jacob!" Too late. Billy spotted him, and was waving frantically, calling him over.

Jacob sighed and headed to the house. He hoped it was only Billy at the house, he didn't think he could take being around Rachel and Paul right now. He didn't feel like pretending.

He forced on a smile as he entered the house, slipping by his father's bulky wheelchair and heading straight into the house with no more than a mumbled hello.

"Jacob." Billy's tone caught Jacob's attention. He stopped in his pursuit toward the kitchen.

"You've been gone all day Jacob, its not fair for you not to leave a note when you leave like that." He said. "Rachel's been worried sick. We'd both thought that if you were around, you would have come home before now...We were both worried you had..." Billy's sentence ran off.

Jacob sighed again. He didn't know when his father's constant worry that he would run of again would end. It was very possible that he would run off, but it wasn't like Billy would be able to stop him anyway.

"I'm sorry." He responded simply. He didn't want this conversation to go any longer than it needed to.

Billy sighed. "Rachel and Paul are here. Rachel made some sort of pasta for lunch. They're waiting for you."

Jacob closed his eyes and took a deep breathe.

"Okay."

* * *

"Jacob?" Jacob looked up to see Paul had already finished his 3rd plate and Rachel was handing him his 4th.

"Yea Paul?"

"You gonna eat that?"

Jacob looked down at his plate. He'd barley touched it, opting to stir the noodles around to make it look like he was eating.

"Of course he is!" Rachel exclaimed slapping Paul lightly on the back of the head.

Paul put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Not what I meant! It's not like I wanna eat his food or whatever, but he hasn't even finished his first plate!"

"Leave it Paul." Jacob growled.

The table went back to silence.

"Soooo..." Paul began annoyingly. "Sam's been looking for you. He seemed pretty pissed. Said you missed three patrols this week. And you didn't send anyone to take your place neither."

Jacob shrugged, his eyes never leaving his plate.

"It's not like I don't get it Jacob. I mean, I really do. It's just that you...you can't keep going on like this. You gotta get back into the swig of things. Go on patrols, go to the bonfires. Hell, go back to school! You can't just sit around here for the rest of your life."

Jacob picked up his plate and began to leave. He figured eating out in the garage wouldn't be a crime. And there he could be by himself without an annoying voice bugging him the whole time.

"Oh, c'mon Jake! You can't just run away from your problems." Paul stood up with crossed arms blocking Jacob's path. He noticed from the corner of his eye Rachel heading towards the front door.

"You need to come back to reality Jake! You need to start eating like a normal person and stop moping around doing nothing. You need to come to pack runs and events. Stop avoiding us all."

Jacob felt his patience running thin.

"Move." He hissed, not really in the mood to get into a fight. He just wanted to get back to the garage and eat. He hadn't had anything to eat in the last few days other than a pack of crackers and Gatorade he kept in his garage.

"Only if you promise me you'll come to the meeting tonight. Then you can go and do whatever you want until then."

Jacob felt his wolf rising and tried to push it down.

"I said move."

"No."

"Paul-"

"Promise me Jacob."

"Final chance. Move. Now."

A step forward threateningly.

"Or else what, Jakey-boy?"

Another step to match.

"Or else I'll-"

"What's going on in here?" A different voice asked.

Jacob felt the air around him turn to ice. His body stiffened and he realized how much of a set-up all this had to have been. Paul easily took a step back, seeming relived by the newcomers presence.

"Nothing." Paul answered, uncrossing his arms and smiling to the person behind Jacob.

"Sure." The voice answered.

"Hey there, Rachel, Paul..." Jacob could feel two authoritative eyes on his back . "Jacob."

Jacob grunted. His eyes ever left Paul's as he answered.

"Hey. Sam."

"It's been awhile, huh?" Sam pushed.

Jacob could hear the careful steps Sam made until he was right behind him.

"Yea."

Another two steps, and then a hand touched his shoulder.

"I was thinking we could talk for awhile. What do you think about that?"

Jacob tore his shoulder from Sam's grasp with a growl.

"Sorry. I was just heading out. Maybe some other time?"

Jacob attempted to side-step Paul, but Paul just matched him. Jacob pushed his wolf down.

"I don't think so. I assume you're not too busy? I heard you're not going to school or anything. Whatever it is can wait."

With that statement, Sam re-gripped Jacob's shoulder and twisted him around to face him. Jacob let his eyes wonder, trying to find anywhere else to look than into Sam's eyes.

"You can't keep doing this Jake. I won't let you. You need to get back into the real world. You hear me? Look at me."

Jacob felt tears in his eyes. He wanted to go. To just leave into the sanctuary that was the garage. He didn't _want_ this. To think anymore about Bella's lifeless face and that _he_ was apart of it. He closed his eyes, wishing everyone away.

"You can't just block us off Jacob. LOOK AT ME."

Jacob took a deep breathe, and before anyone could move, he pushed passed Paul and ran out the front door.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob stood and watched the bonfire. The fire roared wildly and the people around it seemed to feed off its energy. Jacob stood on the outskirts of the gathering, where he watched them dance and drink. Their lives were so carefree. If only...

The wind ruffled his hair with an icy finger but he ignored it and drank his beer, relishing in the night air and the serenity it provided.

He didn't want to be around the others. Already his week was stuffed with people and places and all he wanted was his garage.

Last week's intervention hasn't gone so well.

Jacob knew when he ran out the house that he wouldn't get far. Before he hit the tree line Paul was on his ass, dragging him back. Sam just sort of stood back and watched from the door, his arms crossed like a bad-ass.

Jacob wanted nothing to do with him.

Sam didn't care.

Because there was nothing he could do when Sam put that double tremble into his voice. Nothing Jacob could do but obey and kneel to the Alpha's power. He was helpless when Sam decided to lay down the law. Helpless to whatever Sam decided to command.

Jacob wanted to cry.

He wanted his free will, and he wanted the safety of making his own decisions. He wanted the ability to hate Sam. The ability to hate himself. Jacob simply wanted to die, but allowing himself to live, allowing Sam to control over him is the punishment for his deeds.

Let it be known that Jacob takes his medicine.

Sam reminded him of That Night. Too much of what he hated. Too much of what he'd done.

Too much of her face...

He was angry with Sam. But that was all he could be. He was still apart of the pack, meaning he still had pack duties. He still was stuck in LaPush.

When Paul finally had control of him, Jacob decided his physical struggles futile. It was time to confront Sam.

"So you're just gonna hold me prisoner?" Jacob spat.

"I'm not holding you prisoner Jacob. I'm just getting you back on the right track." Sam responded calmly.

"I AM a prisoner! You forced me to...to hurt them. To fight with you and... You wouldn't even let me go! You let me witness it as I..."

Jacob took a deep shuddery breathe and tried not to cry.

A sigh. "I know that Jacob. And I feel slightly responsible for the way this turned out. But we couldn't ignore it. We needed you for that fight, and we couldn't allow that monster to roam free. We did what we had to. It was to protect our community and to protect our pack. I don't regret that."

Jacob didn't comment. Because deep inside, he knew. What they did was for the betterment of the people. His predator instinct, his wolf side, was proud of him.

It made him feel that much sicker.

"Then why do you have to come here Sam? Why can't you just leave me alone." He growled.

"Because what you're doing is stupid and unhealthy." Paul interjected. "And we stick together. We take care of each other."

"Paul's right." Sam agreed. "So I'm here to get you back on track. Get you back in school, get you back in patrol, and get you away from the garage for awhile. You need a run. I can hear your wolf begging for it most nights when I'm on patrol."

Jacob sneered in his direction.

"And what? You're gonna force me to?! You gonna use your freaky powers to make me be a good boy and do good things?"

Sam moved forward again, finally filling the gap they had between them. He touched Jacobs shoulder.

"No Jake. I won't force you that way. But I won't let you keep doing this. Billy and I already talked. They'll have to be consequences if this keeps up. If the garage continues to be a distraction, we'll remove it."

Jacob's jaw tightened. He couldn't, he wouldn't! But Jacob recalled the conversation about leaving he'd had with Billy shortly ago. He'd seemed desperate to help, but afraid to drive Jacob away. Billy wanted to be sure Jacob remained where he was.

Jacob gritted his teeth and jerked out of Sam's grip.

"What do you want me to do." The words tasted foul in his mouth.

Another sigh. "Nothing much Jake. You can come to the meeting tonight or not. I don't care. But you need to show up at the next one. I also want you back at school Monday. No cutting classes. And then, I want you to be at least at three events by the end of this week. Otherwise you can use your free time however you want, as long as you're eating and getting the grades, you're free. Okay? Are we clear?"

Jacob paused, his tongue rolling on the inside of his cheek.

"What if I decide I don't wanna stick around here? What's stopping me from heading out the second you leave?"

Sam sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I was hoping that your family would've been a good enough reason." Pause. "But since it's not.../This command is what's stopping you."/

Jacob felt his knees bend and hit the floor under the command of the Alpha. His breathe was removed and for a second he felt dizzy.

"Clear?" Sam asked, his voice returning to its natural tone.

"Yes sir-...I...Clear."

"I'm sorry Jake, I hope one day we can get past this." And with that comment Paul and Sam walked back to the house, not once looking back.

Jacob stayed kneeled silently for a second; his head spinning at the weight of what just happened.

He let his head flop releasing an anguished cry.

It was official.

Jacob Black was a prisoner.

* * *

Tonight Sam hadn't said anything about Jacob's separation from the group. He'd simply given Jacob this look that seemed mixed between glad because he'd shown up, and pissed because he wasn't sitting with the rest of the pack. Now he only glanced up at him occasionally, giving him a look that obviously said "Get your ass over here." Jacob simply ignored the glance. He'd shown up, and that was all he was required to do. Plus, he was perfectly content with where he was.

His first day back at school had been brutal. It wasn't as if he were behind or anything. Jake was smart and school was easy. But it felt like the world was crowding in on him every second. The students chattered too loud, the teachers wrote on the boards too loud, the lockers slammed too loud, the bell rang too loud, and everything was just TOO LOUD!

He hasn't escaped one day yet where he wasn't leaving with a migraine.

He walked to and from school. It gave him an excuse to leave earlier, before anyone else woke up, and, if he did it right, he could stay out in the garage when he returned until the house was asleep. He hasn't seen Paul since the day with Sam.

Good riddance too. Paul used to be a hot-headed jerk that could always be counted on for a fight. Now he was a friggin peace maker goody-to-shoes.

Jacob had systematically avoided Rachel too, only seeing her before or after a shower and always rushing back to the garage. He didn't see her long enough to know if she was offended.

Billy was harder to avoid. The old man was strategic; always there when Jake got home and always going on and on about his curfew. Whatever. Jake never had a curfew and he wasn't about to start on it now.

Sam had talked to Jake about that too; at the last meeting. He said he'd taken Jake off late night patrol for a reason, and that he'd better start making his curfew, or he wouldn't have patrol privileges at all. Jake didn't know when his father and Sam had gotten all Buddy- Buddy, but he didn't like it.

He didn't like this bonfire either. Jake striped off his shirt and headed for the woods. He reached the tree line and lost the pants too.

Screw this bonfire screw the pack and screw Sam. He didn't need this. He'd shown up, that's all he was required to do and now he was leaving.

He quickly tied his pants around his ankle and let the all too familiar feeling of a shift take over. His muscles rippled and his body enlarged, taking on the fullness of his big wolf.

Jake instantly felt better. The antsy feeling melted off him and his problems of the week seemed to roll off with his skin.

He trotted around for awhile before, with a mental grin, sprinted off through the trees.

He ignored the howl that soon followed his departure.

Tell me what you think. My first fanfic ever. I'll take suggestions, since I've lost the direction I was taking this story. Also please point out any errors.


End file.
